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Retrospection: Looking Back, Life is a Novel

Writings from my past

7/4/05 10:57 am

Do you know what the problem is with journals and writing things down? Sometimes they simply don't do any good.

Hello older, wiser me who is reading this and grimacing. Whatever has happened, I'm sorry you have to recall all this. I know it's not fun; I've been in your shoes.

Because sometimes writing is therapy and I can write and write and write and all of a sudden I feel better inside. And sometimes writing is work, like the writing I seriously need to get done tomorrow. Sometimes it's fun, like the start of a story. And sometimes it's necessity.

This is necessity writing. It's not work writing because it is (a) effortless and (b) without final, productive results. It is simply something I feel compelled to do. Write, or forever worry about what writing might have accomplished.

At the very least this is a pretty page to write on. Palm trees. Very Californian.

And if Steve Martin is so convinced that nothing depressing can be written in California, then a Californian theme is a very god thought indeed.

It's a pity, of course, that Steve Martin was wrong. Jack London and John Steinbeck both lived in California, and their books make me want to kill myself because it would probably be less distressing.

I hope you know I'm kidding. I really enjoy life and sincerely hope it doesn't end any time soon.

2/15/05 04:02 pm

Life is beautiful.

So things have taken an interesting turn since I last wrote. Spring break has come and gone, and while it wasn't necessarily the week of rest and relaxation (not to mention hard-core studying) I could've used, it has certainly been the source of this rather rapid turn in events.

In the past two weeks (two weeks ago being the start of Spring Break), I have built a house in Mexico for a family desperately poor. I have given up on several recent crushes and come back to one enduring one. I have gained and subsequently lost a prom date. I have had two legitimate and remarkably romantic dates. I have been mortally embarassed. I have laughed for thirty-six hours straight. I have stayed up late on school nights talking. I have failed a test and stumped my math teacher.

Mexico was really worthwhile. It was different certainly. Not so much team unity, but we actually really and truly finished the house this year, with the second layer of stucco. I was dumb enough to volunteer to give a sermon on how Mexico affected me in church tomorrow so...I have yet to write that out. I think I know what I'm going to say though. Life changing experience? Perhaps, but not in the way anyone would expect. And not in the way I want to talk about to the whole congregation anyway.

11/29/04 05:52 pm - Books - High School

The smell of books.

I've been told it's a wonderful scent, but I've never really thought it was that fantastic. It's a combination of things, really. Firstly, I've never been one to rely to much on smell; more often than not I'll only notice the scent of something if it's of utmost importance that I do, and even then, my recollection of it is shaky at best. Moreover, I think I'm actually allergic to book dust, but if I avoid smelling them, maybe I can avoid sneezing to stay around the books a little longer.

Aside from the smell, I am completely in love with everything about the written word: The way it feels, solid bindings covered with textured cloth, sleek protective slips, the cling of thin pages to my fingers, and the weight of an entire story, just a few comforting pounds in my hands.

The sight of it, an entire history reduced to a rectangle, enticing cover art. Even black font or nearly illegible penmanship, the very image of all the jumbled thoughts of the author put together into so many thin lines. And -oh!- the things you see when you read!

The sound, pages turning. Conversations in my head. Total silence from the world around me amidst a bustling household, just to listen to the voice of the book.

Taste, I suppose. I don't think I could convince anyone that I've ever really physically eaten a novel, but believe you me, I have devoured as many words, stories, essays even as well-prepared meals. It is a nourishment I cannot live without.

I never cease to be amazed at just how much can be enclosed in so few pages. So many voices, ideas, dreams, pasts, futures, places, elsewheres, and somewhere-in-betweens. I want to be there, be one of them. I want to spend every waking minute speaking with the characters of fantasy, with the heros of the past, with the inventors of such novel proposals.

11/14/04 02:01 pm - The Saga of Putnam Continues

Still breaking my own rules, but Putnam keeps turning up everywhere.

fluffypuppy1987: Putnam will enter Swarthmore College in the fall, probably as a history or philosophy major. He plans to obtain a master's degree at Oxford or Cambridge after his undergraduate studies are complete and then go on to law school.

Christine, I love you!

Oh, and Debbie Li (female asian counterpart to Putnam) wound up at Yale. Surprise of the century: both want to be lawyers. I NEVER saw that one coming...

11/11/04 07:36 pm - Speaking of Putnam

Speaking of Putnam, and I know I'm breaking my own rules a little here because I'm writing this all on the spot, but I figure it fits here.

Speaking of Putnam, apparently the guy wrote for the ACLU of Northern California when he was a freshman at Piedmont High. (I discovered this while trying to figure out what college he went to so I can go take out my anger constructively, by yelling. Seriously. Still irritated about this.) Anyway, so the snot-face wrote for the ACLU, a fact I am totally envious of no matter how much I hate him. The funny thing is, he wrote an article about condom distribution in high schools. As a "cute" little freshman.

I'm sure he never got a chance to use any of them either. I mean...he's Putnam. Who sleeps with Putnam? (Except for the girls who are paid to seduce him so he'll forget how to be a good lawyer, but I don't think any of them ever came through.)

Anyway, check it out:

11/11/04 07:25 pm - Putnam and the Evils that Be

Hate hate hate hate hate! Gosh darnit!

Went to a mock trial awards banquet thing and tied for "honorable mention" in the category of "best defense attorney" with 15 other lawyers. Such distinction. And who won? Putnam. Daniel Putnam. Showed up in his full court suit. Stupid idiot. Won in three categories. Has parents for lawyers. Twists the rules to suit his pleasure. Must die.

10/24/04 09:27 pm - High School

December 27, 2003
9:47 pm
Went for coffee with an ex-boyfriend today. Amazing. I spent seven months carefully avoiding having to deal with him on a one-on-one basis, at least three of them without saying more than five words to him total, and then there I found myself, sitting in a coffee shop, drinking spiced cider and telling him things I hadn't even told my best friend.

So I just started talking. Really it was his fault; he asked about my church. I just feel bad nonetheless spilling all this on him the first real conversation we've had since May, maybe since April.

It wasn't awkward most of the time to talk to him, just to drive away and realize what had just happened. That I'd managed to single-handedly, in a time span of thirty minutes do away with seven months of caution. So where does that leave me?

March 25, 2004
8:48 pm
There's [name has been removed to protect the ignorance of those not in the know, but it's the same person as above], as always, who's really quite thoroughly attractive, nice, smart, etc.

10/18/04 03:30 pm - Gay Marriage and Being Single - High School

I am very much single, very much hating it, and very much alone.

This whole gay marriage debate is irritating me to no end. Not that I think the controversy should just go away; I understand that people easily disagree on this subject and I respect your opinion, whatever it may be.

But please, if you're going to make an argument, make it an intelligent one.

For example, I was driving with my dad and he was listening to a conservative Christian radio station. Not my personal fave to begin with, but whatever. Anyway, they had some guy with some long, fancy title talking about why he opposes gay marriage. He was supposed to be giving an argument that was as intelligent as his "status" merited. The guy was treating him like he was giving said "intelligent" argument. But what was he really doing?

First he ranted about how NPR wouldn't let him go on their radio broadcast to give a one minute thirty second commentary against gay marriage (they simply picked someone else's conservative view point over his) and how this shows how much NPR must be distinctly anti-Christian or whatever.

Then he went into this spiel about how homosexuals only want to be married to destroy the institution. *blink* Well, maybe a very small minority, but it's not a valid argument! And how did he back up this claim? By citing a gay author who wrote in his book that he wanted gay marriage not necessarily so that he could marry, but so that he would receive equal treatment by society. Equal treatment by society does not equal destroying the institution of marriage. Equal treatment is not a bad thing!

God, this is pissing me off.

I know it's been a while since I updated, my apologies. Also, this "entry" was really two written within four hours of each other so I just tacked them together since they kind of make sense as a whole. And the one was really really short...

9/19/04 09:26 pm - Resolved, Therefore (Just before HS)


I've been worrying more about the start of school and have decided that a new school year is time for new year's resolutions. Except it's imperative that I hold myself to these. My homework load will be far greater than I'm accustomed to, more difficult than ever, and I'll have less time after school. Especially on m. band days when I won't get home until 8:30 pm. And now my grades really start to matter. For college and stuff like that. So, for that cause, these resolutions:
*Do all homework while eating after school snack immediately upon arrival at house
*Stay off internet and computer for all non-school-oriented reasons until all homework is complete.
*Keep track of all assignments in some variety of organizer/calendar/date book
I'm also very fed up with my room, thus the following:
*Rid self of all trash items
*Put things must keep but not have always out in boxes
*Clean and reorganize remainder
*Redecorate walls (posters) and window!!!!!!
Also, I need to start working out every Saturday morning. Maybe Monday afternoons as well. I'm going to need to work to stay looking good. And limit candy intake. All this begins when we get back to California (Vacation is the time to slack off)-

9/12/04 04:49 pm - Jonny Appleseed (Early Elementary)

Whene Jonny was 18 he set of on his own. All the way planting appleseeds. Tender loveing Jonny was he. He nevr hurt a liveing thing. Friend to red and white. Makeing friends allong the way. We will nevr forget him. His birthday is 9-26. He was born in 1776. He diyd whene he was only 71.
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